I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize