just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
