I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Someone shit on the floor
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
