can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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