you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize