It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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