so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
