Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
