I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
