So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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