dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
