You're my little dorito
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
