I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
