how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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