I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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