So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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