Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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