i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
