Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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