Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
