I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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