he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
