I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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