Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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