When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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