you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
