keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
