I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
