I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize