I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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