You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
