5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
