I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
