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someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
