Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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