I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you would pick up someone in the library
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
