Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
