this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
