Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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