Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize