I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
