How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
