when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
