it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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