friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
