I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
