I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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