Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
look no pants
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
