I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
