You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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