I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
