and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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