I'm going to jail i love you
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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