There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
