spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
