Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
