you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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