whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
