listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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