ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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