This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
