You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
