I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
