I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
