Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
