I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize