My liver just broke up with me...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
