can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
