its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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