she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize